Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.
--A popular children's rhyme
My entire life, I've always had a problem with this passage. Apparently this anthropomorphic egg man is the king's favorite son, and when he's hurt, the king sends all kinds of aid to attempt to reassemble the poor guy. Including horses.
...
What the fuck?
Why horses? What the fuck can horses do in this situation, besides stomp on the fragments in futility? No wonder he couldn't be put back together, if your A-team consists of fucking horses. Obviously, this guy completely ignored the First Law that governs the universe:
Horses are no good for anything.
You gonna trust horses to perform open heart surgery? To cure polio? To save millions of starving people, Norman Borlaug style? Of course not, because horses are terrible.
Don't believe me? Fine, just take a look at these Horse Facts:
- First and foremost, horses suck ass.
- Machines are better than horses in every category except shitting.
- Horses caused the Holocaust(look it up, Hitler was just trying to please his horse).
- Horse farts cause more pollution than cars(believe it or not, they actually do).
- They're ugly, and they smell bad.
- Seriously, the smell, it's fucking terrible.
Why do we bother to keep around something that's been made obsolete by bicycles and the combustion engine? Because if we let them go, they're too dumb to survive on their own. That's right, horses only exist because we're too fucking nice to let them die. What do we call an organism that needs another organism to sustain it? That's right, HORSES ARE A PARASITE ON HUMANITY.
Seriously, fuck those equine bastards.
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