Mini-Review: Butter

That's right, I'm reviewing butter. Not a specific brand or type of butter, just butter in general. The concept of butter, if you will. If you have a problem with this, you can refer to me pointing toward my crotch, indicating, I'm not sure what, perhaps some sort of appeals process if you want me to regard your protest, but implying to just leave me alone. So stop your bitching and let's start the review proper.

Butter. Is it good? Yes, but perhaps too good. It's like how you may really like cheesecake, but if someone tied you down and force fed you nothing but cheesecake for three years, you might change your mind. Butter is like three years of cheesecake in a single serving. I say serving as if some guy is just sitting there chewing on sticks of butter, but I actually mean it as when spread on something, such as bread, or fresh onion. Butter, applied in this manner, is simply shit.

Of course, butter also has a myriad of culinary uses. I guess. But whatever, who cares about that?

In conclusion, I'd like to break down the pros and cons of butter.

The Case For Butter



1. It's slippery.
   
2. It's easily made from, um, cows, and other stuff...
   

The Case Against Butter



1. It's slippery.
   
2. Three years of cheesecake.
   
3. Too much like margarine.
   

And that's about all there is to say about butter.

OBJECTION!