The following was written during tonight's class on my cell phone. Be warned, I wrote it while incredibly bored and severely depressed, and as a result I cannot be held accountable for its contents (which is to say, I don't really remember what I wrote). The post picks up about 2 hours into a mind-numbingly boring class, and covers the remaining two and a half hours. Be aware that it probably contains several typos, as those keys are just so damn small, and there are large gaps in time between entries. I have no explanation for these, perhaps I passed out. Now, as further ado would severely impact the tone of the raw, unfiltered crazy, here it is.

MOBILE POST BEGINS HERE

This is a post written on a cell phone.

Why am I writing on a cell phone? Have I forgotten the spacious luxury of a full sized keyboard, and chosen instead the clicky resistance of a tiny array of lettered Tic Tacs? Well, what say you?

Oh, right, those were rhetorical. Please accept my apologies. At any rate, I am pecking away at this tiny keyboard because the fellow at the head of the room who fancies himself an instructor is droning on about the importance of electronic mail. Were you aware of it, dear reader, that mail can be sent over the internet now? Fascinating, is it not?

If it were, I would not be rambling away on my phone.

I have just turned the page in my instructional textbook, and there is an illustration of a cell phone. You might consider that ironic, were you to concentrate on it really hard while bashing your head into a wall. Here I am, concentrating vigorously on a cell phone while inches away, a photograph of a cell phone. And the physical cell phone, the one that exists in the real world, the one I am madly clicking away at, doesn't look anything like the depicted cell phone. I look at the inside cover, and there lies the answer: copyright 1988.

Side note: it took me about 90 seconds to figure out how to type the colon.

Additional side note: I had originally phrased that sentence, "enter the colon," but quickly thought better of it.

What was I talking about again? I could scroll up and check, but on this phone that operation could take the better part of an hour. Guess there's no turning back now, nowhere to go but forward.

This could be a good thing. It's a chance to be spontaneous, real stream of consciousness stuff, without having to stop be slave to constraints like format or grammar (not that I give half a shit about that stuff anyway, but this way, I can be totally shitless).

So, let's do this in a combination stream-of-consciousness/live-blog style. Which I believe may look a little something like this:

8:00 PM
I discover a new level of boredom, having endured this tedium for over two hours.

See that? That's a dead honest timestamp right there. It just so happens that it is exactly 8 pm right now. Crazy, right? Yeah, I know.

8:01 PM
Christ, how long will this go on?

Okay, maybe I should wait a little longer between updates. I'll try listening to the guy for a little while, maybe he's actually saying something interesting now.

8:05 PM
Nope.

He's explaining automated phone systems. And he just brought up those stupid ATT ads with the voicemail personas. God, I hate those. And he just brought them up as being something of actual relevance to network administration. Oh, you want to make sure you're reachable on the phone? Really? I did not know that, thanks for bringing in the stunning real life experience.

8:10 PM
Netscape? You're talking about Netscape? Does it even still exist?

8:11 PM
No one else in the class can say for sure if Netscape is still around. Maybe I could look it up if he hadn't PULLED THE GODDAMN NETWORK CABLE out of the switch, depriving the entire room of Internet access. What a dick.

8:14 PM
Next scheduled break is at 8:38. Maybe I can sneak in a quick nap until then.

I just realized that this doesn't really qualify as a live-blog, because I'm not updating it in real time; I am going to upload the whole thing when I get home.

8:18 PM
I spend another way-too-long amount of time hunting for the semi-colon.

8:20 PM
Hey, I wonder if this phone has an interrobang!

8:21 PM
Sadly, it does not. Why the fuck doesn't it?!

Do me a favor, squint your eyes at that last bit of punctuation, and let's pretend it's an interrobang.

Mmmmm, pretending... Amazing, isn't it? That phantom interrobang? Doesn't it just stare directly into your soul? DOESN'T IT?!

8:27 PM
11 minutes to go. Then I can set off the device, and it will exterminate them all.

EXTERMINATE!

EXTERMINATE!

EXTERMINATE!

Can you believe I actually had to type that up all three times? My phone has no copy and paste function.

8:30 PM
:-(

8:31 PM
I've got to think! What would Douglas Adams do in this situation, if he were still alive?

Answer: he would probably blog about it.

8:32 PM
:-(

8:35 PM
I need more Doctor Who references.

Here's one: my short, portly teacher may in fact be a Sontaran.

8:37 PM
One more minute!

8:38 PM
Booyah!

8:56 PM
I feel better now. Over the break I smoked two joints (Full disclosure: no I didn't. That was fictional.), and now I'm feeling fine.

9:01 PM
Some idiot has started randomly pulling cables out of the patch panel, resulting in the physical manifestation of an administrator's nightmare. Nice job, dumbass, bringing about the networking equivalent of hell on earth.

9:29 PM
Hm, an hour left and we still haven't started the lab. Doesn't look like we're going to get to it. And now that I think about it, my teacher is most likely a Rutan spy in semi-Sontaran shape. Probably so that he can lure out Sontaran sympathizers and burn out their insides with the raw energy of his true form.

10:21 PM
I can finally go home now.

FINAL THOUGHT: "At least the screaming of infants drowns out the moans of the dead."
-Idly scribbled on a piece of scrap paper at some point during the tedium.

I don't remember writing it, but it's in my handwriting, so I must have.

END MOBILE POST